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Well, I finished an excerpt of my Western Fire Emblem story, if anyone wants to see... (BTW, the story actually starts with the Prologue, like in the game, not with Chapter 1.) Also, since this is only an excerpt, the chapter is obviously incomplete...
(An iron brand burns the title of the story onto a piece of parchment, as the Fire Emblem theme plays in the background:)
***
"Fire Emblem: The Burning Brand"
by Avi
Chapter 1: Rescued by the Cavalry (excerpt)
Lyn beamed and swept an arm in front of her.
"Well, Mark... Welcome to Burning Gulch outpost, the largest town in the Sacramento Plains!"
Mark didn't have the heart to tell her that the cities back East could encompass this town many times over... Still, the place was impressive-looking; obviously intended to be a military outpost, the entire town was encompassed by wooden palisades, made out of sharpened logs.
Yet Mark was in for a bigger surprise when he stepped inside the town... As soon as he entered, he was amazed to see both natives and settlers hawking their wares, side-by-side.
"Amazing..." mused Mark, aloud. "An outpost where both natives and settlers alike can trade in peace..."
Lyn smiled at him affably. "Yes, it is nice, isn't it?" Her gaze then moved up towards the cavalry soldiers patrolling atop the wooden palisades, and her expression darkened slightly. "I kind of wish the cavalry didn't have to occupy the town, though..."
Mark shifted uncomfortably at this. As a budding historian, he knew that the relationship between Lyn's people and the cavalry hadn't always been so peaceful.
Lyn seem to shake off her dark mood then. "Well, we should probably be able to buy all the supplies we need in here... Shall we split up, to find what we're looking for?"
Mark nodded. They had agreed earlier that Lyn should purchase most of the supplies, since she knew the going price of most items; Mark had also given her some of his cash, to supplement her own.
Still, there were a few things that Mark knew he needed to buy... A map of the area, for instance. Lyn might know her way around, but he still didn't want to be caught lost in the desert again...
He found what he was looking for in a nearby stall. Although the map looked a little worn, it did seem pretty accurate... Mark could find upon it the city of Burnt, where the train station he arrived at was; the Sacramento Plains, where they currently were, and even the town he was in.
Satisfied, he paid the vendor for the map. As he turned around, Mark saw Lyn in the distance, loaded down with various goods, so he headed towards her... As he did so, he inspected the map a little further.
Upon closer examination, the map seemed to be one of the entire El Libre area... The city of Burnt was located to the north, within the similarly named Burnt Wastelands; to its south, lay the aforementioned Sacramento Plains. To the west of that, was a series of canyons called Atlas Rise; to its south, lay the area called Las Sienna, which appeared to have many major cities marked in stars: Austin City, Phoenix Ridge, Sierra...
He was just looking a village at the base of a place called Wind Serpent Peak, when he heard a cheerful voice ahead of him.
"Well, shoot! Aren't you the prettiest little thing that I ever did see?"
Mark looked up, to see a cavalryman on horseback addressing Lyn. He might've been impressed at the sight of a cavalryman this close, if the latter hadn't been hitting on Lyn.
Lyn didn't seem particularly impressed either. "Excuse me?" she replied coolly.
The cavalryman just grinned at her and tipped his hat. "I don't suppose you could offer me your name, little missy? Or the pleasure of your company?"
Lyn tossed her head haughtily. "Shouldn't a soldier have a little more self-control? Where are you from anyways, that they'd teach you such manners?"
Despite Lyn's cold manner, it didn't seem to deterr the soldier one bit. "Thought you'd never ask, ma'am! I came here all the way from the plains of Las Sienna; the town of Sierra, to be exact. Home of the rootin', tootin'est cowpokes around!"
Lyn arched an eyebrow in reply. "Don't you mean 'pigs in a poke?'"
At this, the cavalryman looked sheepish. "Aw, don't be that way, ma'am..."
Ignoring him, Lyn spun on her heel, just in time to meet Mark face-to-face. "Come on, Mark," she addressed him haughtily. "I have nothing more to say to this... This... So-called soldier."
"Wait!" cried out the cavalrymen, in dismay. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I..."
"Sain! What's going on here?" asked a severe voice.
Mark found himself turning back, to see another mounted cavalryman join his fellow soldier... Because of their identical navy uniforms, there wasn't much to identify one from the other, except the new soldier's red hair and red scarf around his neck; his companion, on the other hand, wore a green scarf.
"Ah, Kent, my old partner!" drawled the green-scarfed soldier pleasantly. "Why the long face?"
"Why do you think, Sain?" remarked the other soldier hotly. "Gallivanting around again... You know we have our orders!"
"Sorry, Kent. You know I just can't resist a pretty face..."
"I know... And it's going to be the death of me."
Lyn placed her hands on her hips. "Excuse me, you two..." As both soldiers looked down at her, she glared at each one, in turn. "I hate to interrupt your friendly discussion, but it seems you're blocking the road. If you two could kindly move your horses?"
"Of course, ma'am. My apologies," replied the red-headed soldier politely. Both soldiers moved their horses then, allowing Lyn and Mark to pass by them.
Lyn then gave a curt nod to the cavalryman who had addressed her. "Thank you, sir... You, at least, seem to have some manners."
As she said this, the cavalryman gave her a long, hard stare. "Pardon me, ma'am," he began slowly, "but haven't I met you somewhere before?"
Lyn raised her eyebrows again. "Excuse me?"
At this remark, the other soldier couldn't seem to resist butting in. "Hey! C'mon, Kent, I saw her first!"
"Well!" Lyn sniffed to herself. "It seems no one in the cavalry can be trusted, can they? C'mon, Mark... I've just about had it with these two!" She stormed off, Mark trailing behind her.
"Wait!" protested the soldier called Kent. "That's not what I meant!"
As the two civilians wandered out of earshot, Kent found himself turning on his partner in anger. "Now, look what you've done!"
Sain stared back at him. "What did I do? I just told you I saw her first..."
"That's not the point! I wasn't hitting on her... I just thought... That she might be the one we're looking for."
"What, her? Kent, you're not serious, are you?"
"C'mon, we have to follow her!" Kent clicked his heels to his horse's side, and started to ride out of town.
"Kent, are you sure?" Then, as he noticed his partner riding away, Sain began to trail behind him. "Hey, wait for me!" he cried out.
***
"Honestly! Can you believe the nerve of those two!" stormed Lyn, as they rode away from Burning Gulch. "It's just like I've always thought; you can never trust the cavalry!"
"I don't know," replied Mark, in a sceptical tone. "I don't think that other soldier was actually hitting on you... It was almost like..." He paused in thought. "He recognized you, or something."
Lyn snorted in disgust. "How would he recognize me? I've lived with the Lorca all my life!" She shook her head. "C'mon, let's just get away from here, in case they follow us."
"Uh..." began Mark slowly. "I think there might be already somebody doing that..."
He turned his head. As Lyn followed his gaze, she could see a distinct cloud of dust trailing them, like that of a bunch of men on horseback riding behind them.
TO BE CONTINUED...
*****
I still need to look up some details on Westerns, to make sure I'm at least somewhat accurate... (Please tell me if the new place names sound reasonable, or if Sain's accent is too much. ;)P
(An iron brand burns the title of the story onto a piece of parchment, as the Fire Emblem theme plays in the background:)
***
"Fire Emblem: The Burning Brand"
by Avi
Chapter 1: Rescued by the Cavalry (excerpt)
Lyn beamed and swept an arm in front of her.
"Well, Mark... Welcome to Burning Gulch outpost, the largest town in the Sacramento Plains!"
Mark didn't have the heart to tell her that the cities back East could encompass this town many times over... Still, the place was impressive-looking; obviously intended to be a military outpost, the entire town was encompassed by wooden palisades, made out of sharpened logs.
Yet Mark was in for a bigger surprise when he stepped inside the town... As soon as he entered, he was amazed to see both natives and settlers hawking their wares, side-by-side.
"Amazing..." mused Mark, aloud. "An outpost where both natives and settlers alike can trade in peace..."
Lyn smiled at him affably. "Yes, it is nice, isn't it?" Her gaze then moved up towards the cavalry soldiers patrolling atop the wooden palisades, and her expression darkened slightly. "I kind of wish the cavalry didn't have to occupy the town, though..."
Mark shifted uncomfortably at this. As a budding historian, he knew that the relationship between Lyn's people and the cavalry hadn't always been so peaceful.
Lyn seem to shake off her dark mood then. "Well, we should probably be able to buy all the supplies we need in here... Shall we split up, to find what we're looking for?"
Mark nodded. They had agreed earlier that Lyn should purchase most of the supplies, since she knew the going price of most items; Mark had also given her some of his cash, to supplement her own.
Still, there were a few things that Mark knew he needed to buy... A map of the area, for instance. Lyn might know her way around, but he still didn't want to be caught lost in the desert again...
He found what he was looking for in a nearby stall. Although the map looked a little worn, it did seem pretty accurate... Mark could find upon it the city of Burnt, where the train station he arrived at was; the Sacramento Plains, where they currently were, and even the town he was in.
Satisfied, he paid the vendor for the map. As he turned around, Mark saw Lyn in the distance, loaded down with various goods, so he headed towards her... As he did so, he inspected the map a little further.
Upon closer examination, the map seemed to be one of the entire El Libre area... The city of Burnt was located to the north, within the similarly named Burnt Wastelands; to its south, lay the aforementioned Sacramento Plains. To the west of that, was a series of canyons called Atlas Rise; to its south, lay the area called Las Sienna, which appeared to have many major cities marked in stars: Austin City, Phoenix Ridge, Sierra...
He was just looking a village at the base of a place called Wind Serpent Peak, when he heard a cheerful voice ahead of him.
"Well, shoot! Aren't you the prettiest little thing that I ever did see?"
Mark looked up, to see a cavalryman on horseback addressing Lyn. He might've been impressed at the sight of a cavalryman this close, if the latter hadn't been hitting on Lyn.
Lyn didn't seem particularly impressed either. "Excuse me?" she replied coolly.
The cavalryman just grinned at her and tipped his hat. "I don't suppose you could offer me your name, little missy? Or the pleasure of your company?"
Lyn tossed her head haughtily. "Shouldn't a soldier have a little more self-control? Where are you from anyways, that they'd teach you such manners?"
Despite Lyn's cold manner, it didn't seem to deterr the soldier one bit. "Thought you'd never ask, ma'am! I came here all the way from the plains of Las Sienna; the town of Sierra, to be exact. Home of the rootin', tootin'est cowpokes around!"
Lyn arched an eyebrow in reply. "Don't you mean 'pigs in a poke?'"
At this, the cavalryman looked sheepish. "Aw, don't be that way, ma'am..."
Ignoring him, Lyn spun on her heel, just in time to meet Mark face-to-face. "Come on, Mark," she addressed him haughtily. "I have nothing more to say to this... This... So-called soldier."
"Wait!" cried out the cavalrymen, in dismay. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I..."
"Sain! What's going on here?" asked a severe voice.
Mark found himself turning back, to see another mounted cavalryman join his fellow soldier... Because of their identical navy uniforms, there wasn't much to identify one from the other, except the new soldier's red hair and red scarf around his neck; his companion, on the other hand, wore a green scarf.
"Ah, Kent, my old partner!" drawled the green-scarfed soldier pleasantly. "Why the long face?"
"Why do you think, Sain?" remarked the other soldier hotly. "Gallivanting around again... You know we have our orders!"
"Sorry, Kent. You know I just can't resist a pretty face..."
"I know... And it's going to be the death of me."
Lyn placed her hands on her hips. "Excuse me, you two..." As both soldiers looked down at her, she glared at each one, in turn. "I hate to interrupt your friendly discussion, but it seems you're blocking the road. If you two could kindly move your horses?"
"Of course, ma'am. My apologies," replied the red-headed soldier politely. Both soldiers moved their horses then, allowing Lyn and Mark to pass by them.
Lyn then gave a curt nod to the cavalryman who had addressed her. "Thank you, sir... You, at least, seem to have some manners."
As she said this, the cavalryman gave her a long, hard stare. "Pardon me, ma'am," he began slowly, "but haven't I met you somewhere before?"
Lyn raised her eyebrows again. "Excuse me?"
At this remark, the other soldier couldn't seem to resist butting in. "Hey! C'mon, Kent, I saw her first!"
"Well!" Lyn sniffed to herself. "It seems no one in the cavalry can be trusted, can they? C'mon, Mark... I've just about had it with these two!" She stormed off, Mark trailing behind her.
"Wait!" protested the soldier called Kent. "That's not what I meant!"
As the two civilians wandered out of earshot, Kent found himself turning on his partner in anger. "Now, look what you've done!"
Sain stared back at him. "What did I do? I just told you I saw her first..."
"That's not the point! I wasn't hitting on her... I just thought... That she might be the one we're looking for."
"What, her? Kent, you're not serious, are you?"
"C'mon, we have to follow her!" Kent clicked his heels to his horse's side, and started to ride out of town.
"Kent, are you sure?" Then, as he noticed his partner riding away, Sain began to trail behind him. "Hey, wait for me!" he cried out.
***
"Honestly! Can you believe the nerve of those two!" stormed Lyn, as they rode away from Burning Gulch. "It's just like I've always thought; you can never trust the cavalry!"
"I don't know," replied Mark, in a sceptical tone. "I don't think that other soldier was actually hitting on you... It was almost like..." He paused in thought. "He recognized you, or something."
Lyn snorted in disgust. "How would he recognize me? I've lived with the Lorca all my life!" She shook her head. "C'mon, let's just get away from here, in case they follow us."
"Uh..." began Mark slowly. "I think there might be already somebody doing that..."
He turned his head. As Lyn followed his gaze, she could see a distinct cloud of dust trailing them, like that of a bunch of men on horseback riding behind them.
TO BE CONTINUED...
*****
I still need to look up some details on Westerns, to make sure I'm at least somewhat accurate... (Please tell me if the new place names sound reasonable, or if Sain's accent is too much. ;)P
no subject
The place names are very reasonable, it flows VERY well.
For some accuracy things, the community
My one complaint is A) I think Mark needs to talk more, he feels like he turns on and off as it is XD and B) I hope that you'll occassionaly stray slightly from the direct events of Rekka, else it COULD get tedious to read ^_^
no subject
And I probably will insert more dialogue from Mark... The thing is, he's supposed to be in awe of Lyn and everyone in the group (the reason he travelled out West in the first place, was to see real cowboys and indians ;).
BTW, the problem I had with writing this story originally was that I'd have to stick to the basic storyline of Fire Emblem, for the most part; only the settings and a few details would change, I'm afraid. :/ (Although... I'm loving the idea of Erk as a stoic gunslinger... XD)
(BTW, thanks for suggesting Little Details; I was going to use Fanfic Research as a place of reference as well. ^_^)
no subject
If I could draw, I would SO be drawing this all out, too XD
I think that with writing it, you should use some artistic licsence to tweak around with events and stuff; the issue here, is that we may end up getting something like "Fire Emblem Cross" (only with WAY less crack and WAY better writing). It comes to a point where the point of reading is just to see "OH! HOW WILL SHE PULL THIS OFF?" and the second "this" comes in, all interest is lost. Just a suggestion ^_^
(Little Details is rather useful, it has a LOT of members, too, so the chances of not getting a question answered are pretty slim.)
no subject
I am going to be drawing this all out, you bet!
The fact is how are to going to relay the part after the big fight.
Suggestions:
1) The "boss" is a brigand called Zugu. How about an Outlaw for brigands?
2) The "aftertalk" key points:
- Lyn's parents eloped 19 years ago.
- Lyn's mum is called Madelyn
- Lyndis is the name of Marquess Caelin's late wife.
- Lorca was wiped out the day after Madelyn sent the letter about her family on the plains.
- The "Outlaw" ^_~ worked for Lundgren.
You may know all this, but just in case ;)
If no, happy to help, if yes, wrong comment.
no subject