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Monday, October 3rd, 2011 08:56 pm
Yep, I wrote an Ace Attorney 'fic. Granted, it's a very short, silly (and slightly dirty) one... (And I'm somewhat embarassed that this ended up being my first completed AA 'fic. ;P)

Anyways, it's a got little Phoenix/Edgeworth, if you care for the pairing. And the Judge too, since the story actually takes place in court.

"Would both councillors please approach the bench?"

Phoenix's brow furrowed at the Judge's request. Both he and the prosecuting attorney had just finished making their opening statements; there was no real reason for the Judge to want to confer with either of them this early in the trial... Was there?

He cast a nervous glance over at Edgeworth, who shrugged slightly at him. Well, at least he wasn't the only one bewildered by this turn of events.

The defense attorney and the prosecutor warily approached the Judge's bench.

"Is there a problem, Your Honour?" asked Edgeworth.

"Yes, there is," said the Judge, looking solemn. He then made a face. "The floor under my bench is sticky!"

There was a pause.

"Is that all, sir?" said Phoenix.

"Is that all, you say? I assure you, it is very distracting!"

"That may be the case," began Edgeworth, who was clearly keeping his temper in check, "but was it necessary to interrupt the trial for this matter?"

"That's all well for you to say, prosecution, but you're not the one who's had to put up with this for a good twenty minutes!"

The Judge glanced under his bench for a moment; Phoenix rolled his eyes, while Edgeworth fumed.

"It's very strange too," mused the Judge aloud, unaware of the disgruntled lawyers glaring at him. "I thought the janitors cleaned up in here every night... But every now and then, sticky floor. You'd think someone had spilled a soft drink under here!"

A guilty expression began to creep across Phoenix's face. He cast a sidelong glance at Edgeworth, whose expression was unreadable.

"And sometimes, my chair is sticky, too," the Judge rambled on. "I wonder..."

"Perhaps you should ask for a recess, then?" interrupted Edgeworth carefully. "So janitorial can clean under your bench?"

The Judge brightened. "Good idea, prosecutor!" He raised his voice, for the rest of the court to hear. "I call a fifteen minute recess. Court is adjourned until then."

He banged his gavel.


Phoenix and Edgeworth nonchalantly made their way out of the courtroom together. If anyone else had been in earshot, they would've heard a frantically whispered conversation between the two of them.

"I told you doing it under there was a bad idea--"

"I didn't hear you complaining at the time! Besides, it was your idea!"

Both fell silent for a moment. Then Edgeworth looked thoughtful.

"It just occurred to me..." he said slowly. "When was the last time we, uh... rendezvoused over there?"

"Wasn't it three nights ago?" asked Phoenix. He then frowned. "But the Judge said the bench was sticky just now, right?"

He gave Edgeworth a horrified look.

"You don't think someone else has been--"

"Perhaps we should find someplace else for our late night meetings," said Edgeworth firmly.

Phoenix's mouth snapped shut.

"Er, yes. Good idea."

They never did, though.


This was actually inspired by an old "Night Court" gag:

(The prosecutor has laid out a map of the courthouse on the judge's desk; he has a cheap floozy at his side.)

Prosecutor: We've had sex in every part of the courthouse.
Judge: Why is my bench circled six times?


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